just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
