He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I AM VODKA MAN
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think my moral compass just broke
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