You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
