That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
