i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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