hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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