Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
