Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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