she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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