if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
