he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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