i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
