I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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