Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
