i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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