I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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