Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
