I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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