new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize