i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
