She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
