3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
