my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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