Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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