Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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