Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
