sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize