The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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