He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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