some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
