the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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