Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
