I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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