when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
