I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
