There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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