i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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