I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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