Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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