there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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