what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
