There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Terrible idea I love it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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