i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
