i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize