I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
