fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
