Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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