im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Screwed.edu
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
