you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
