I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
