mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize