I wish I only lived at night.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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