Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
