she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
