ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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