i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
