I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize