On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
