I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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