if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
