The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
