i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
