I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
