He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
