I've blown a few things in my day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
