P.S. I can't hear my feet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
