yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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