i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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