right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The Olympian is in my bed
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
