After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
