What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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