we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
