dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
