Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
