Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
