i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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