from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
