hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
