Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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