I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
