Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
