Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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