Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
