The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You may now shotgun with the bride
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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