I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
