So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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