the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
