Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
