Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
