Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
