I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
