why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize