The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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