i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
