I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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