I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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