We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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