Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
