All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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