so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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