Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
