Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
