whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
