yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
