IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
