seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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