Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
