im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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