At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
