Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
