bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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