I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
