I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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