Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
