So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
