You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
